My last post had me rambling on how I was at peace with my mother’s condition and my words with her that day. Interesting timing of that post given that she passed away later that night in a peaceful and dignified way. I had a feeling that it was going to be the day and that’s why I was so adamant about getting my alone time with her and telling my beloved mother my thoughts and my feelings on everything that was going on and what was about to come. Looks as if my gut feelings were true.
A really interesting thing about my mother is that even in death she was still able to amaze us all. A few days prior to her passing, she was in a half-sleep mumbling something to the effect of “9:45 departure time. Ok, 9:45”. We all sat there a bit bewildered. We checked to see what was happening with everything at 9:45 am that morning. Nothing. 9:45 pm that night. Nothing to report. The same thing for the next couple 9:45 instances. However, at 9:45 pm on the dot on October 8th, she quietly passed away in a peaceful manner. That woman is amazing and will never cease to amaze me. I will continue to live by the myriad of lessons that she has taught me in life (you don’t think I am so intent on following my passions because of some book I read or some random TV show, do you?) and that I will continue to learn from her as I think back as to how she would deal with life’s issues.
There is much to take from all of this. It has been a week already. After the dust settled and all the relatives left town I was finally able to slow down enough to go “wow…she’s really gone. What now?” Obviously I must start to gather my life again. For the past three months my life revolved around spending as much time with her as possible and taking the needed break here and there so that I could remain strong for her. Thank goodness for the support of my friends and family. But now life is different. I don’t need to drive up to my parent’s house every day or drive up to hospice every day to spend time with my beloved mother. I must now get back to focusing on my own survival. Four loads of laundry, some bill paying and some other catch up chores later things have slowed down enough where I sit and ponder.
I know…me sitting and pondering. When did that start?
I will continue to move forward in life. I will continue to follow my passions. I will certainly try to live life to the fullest. I will cherish the relationships that I have and I will work on keeping the good ones strong and building new ones. I will focus on my health again (which reminds me…wait until I give you the review on the Vibram Five Fingers. Coolest thing ever but good googly do they make your calves sore when you try to run in them for the first time). I will start to write more (a passion of mine…and I’ve already put a quick post up at ChiaTown.com satisfying the geeky side of me).
Thank you Mother for everything you have taught me in life. I know you will always be with me and I know for a fact that I will continue to learn from you even though I’m not able to pick up the phone and call you anymore. I will make you proud and I will do my best to do as you did in life…to put a smile on the faces all around you and to live life with a smile on my own face.
I’m back.
I have lost a beloved part of my life but I know that I will gain much from this. I will share this all with you with the hopes that we can all achieve happiness in life no matter what we face.
