Almost Six Months
It’s been almost six months since my mother passed away. I can honestly say this is by far the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. I’m coping, I’m managing, but understandably I still have my moments. I feel very fortunate to have a very loving family and a very great group of supportive friends that have helped me no matter what I needed. And just what do I need? Just what does anyone need after losing someone so dear? It depends. It depends on the person and it depends on the situation. Sometimes we need to be alone. Sometimes we need a drink and to catch up. Sometimes we need to let loose. Sometimes we need to cry and sometimes we need to laugh. We are truly blessed when we are surrounded by people that know what we need at that specific moment and they deliver…no questions asked.
I’m slowly getting back into my groove. The groove of following my passions, the groove of helping others realize their goals and dreams. It’s taken a bit longer than expected…but you know what, I think that’s ok.
I had a dream last night. I dreamt I met Hines Ward. Those who know me know that I am a Steelers fan and especially respect Hines. I had my mother following Hines…”I love his smile” she would say”. Thus…meeting Hines was symbolic not only in the sense that I love Hines as a player and a person, but also as a connection to my mother. I told Hines all about my mother. I told him how much she enjoyed watching him play and how she would say “he has such a beautiful smile”. Being able to tell him that meant the world to me. And…as dreams go, they make sudden changes. Suddenly I was holding my mom. Crying. Sad, but happy. She held me, making sure I was ok. In this dream I was not sad. Yes, I cried, but it was a good cry. I felt my shoulders coming in and she kept pushing them back. I would curl up again as I cried and once again she pushed them back. This happened at least three more times and I finally held them back. I know that she was looking out for me, keeping me strong, keeping my shoulders back and chin up.
So what’s the point of this post? This post that has been long overdue…this post that is seemingly a ramble of “this is what I thought and felt” after a long silence. It’s pretty much what I said earlier. It’s a big thank you to who all who have been supportive. It’s a reminder to all of you who have been or who are going through tough times. The reminder? That no matter how bad things seem, you can make it through. That you’ve got people you can count on. That if you live life in a good way, your support group will be even bigger. If you’ve been good to all those around you, you’re probably saying “thank goodness I’ve got my support group”. If you feel yourself lacking in that group, take some time to reflect on life and see how you can make everything around you better.
One thing I am in continuous awe of as I think of my mother. EVERYTHING was beautiful to her. Hines’ smile. A website that I would put up. A picture that my father would paint. A song that my father would write. A plant outside. A random child’s laughter. She saw beauty everywhere. How many of us do that? I thought I did…but I was wrong. Since this beautiful soul left us I have come to slow down and think about the beauty that is around us. In my family. My friends. Music. Random things I see out on the town. She was right…there really is beauty everywhere. We just have to stop getting caught up in the rat race and see it.
Let us all continue to learn in life. It’s easy to say we learned something. To truly learn is to take it to heart and carry it with us, no matter if it came from a happy learning experience or sad. It doesn’t matter where it came from…as long as we learned something.
The most important thing to learn? To learn to love…
